Jaune Arc: King of Harem
by ElfCollaborator
Summary: Jaune's harem wants Jaune- immediately. Jaune himself is less inclined. Parody, humor, multiple pairings, crossovers, rated T for shenanigans. Crack. Based off Nightly7's Pimpsona series. It's BAAAACK!
1. Jaune Arc, King of Harem!

**Jaune Arc: King Of Harem**

**A/N: Good day, ladies and gents! And welcome to another insane drabble, courtesy of Elf! Where might this come from, you who asks? Why, Nightly7's Pimpsona 3 and Pimpsona 4- granted, they're in the Persona fandom, but who cares? Having read them, I've realised that Jaune is harem king here. So he must have a fic written about him like this. Why? Because I said so.**

**So enjoy~**

**DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Velvet would be carrying a ridiculously large axe instead of a pansy wand.**

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><p>Jaune woke up in his dorm, feeling strangely free.<p>

"...wait." He held a finger up, looking around, scared, before looking under his blanket.

"...WHY AM I IN MY BOXERS?! WHERE'S MY ONESIE?!"

Nora giggled, hanging from the vent over their dorm with his onesie in her mouth, before slinking into the vent, disappearing. Jaune sighed.

"Dammit." Crawling out of bed, the blonde boy looked around to see that his closet was lying open, with all his boxers removed- along with the rest of his clothes. He groaned and reached under his bed, scrabbling for the spare pair he had hidden just in case.

"Here you go, Jaune."

"Than- WAH!" He leapt away to see Pyrrha, dressed in nothing but a red bra and panties, under his bed, handing him his clothes. "Pyrrha! W-what are you doing there?!"

"I was...protecting you from bullies." She nodded. "Yes, protecting you."  
>"...but you already launched Cardin into the Emerald Fore-"<p>

"Shhh, I'm protecting you..." She crawled out, holding his clothes and leaning close to him, shushing him with a finger. Pushing him forcefully on the bed, the spearmaiden crawled on top of him, lust in her eyes.

"And...to protect you further, I must cover your body to protect it from projectiles!"  
>"G-gah!" Jaune squirmed out of Pyrrha's pinning and threw a Jaune plushie at her to keep her distracted. The girl immediately curled around it, squeeing.<p>

"Thank Dust for Lie Ren!" Wiping his brow, the beleaguered boy took his clothes from Pyrrha and ran outside before she realised he'd left. He quickly ran into the boy's toilets to get changed, knowing no girl would dare enter there.

Well, apart from some suspicious scrabbling in the pipes, nothing besieged him there. He wiped his forehead in relief.

"Thank Dust...at last, ONE place I can go without being-"  
>A sorbet packet landed at his feet. Tilting his head, the boy picked it up and examined it.<p>

"What the-" Jaune didn't even finish his sentence before Weiss plowed into him, conveniently ending up crawling over him.

"I-I'm so sorry! My sorbet packet ended up over here, a-and I tripped, and thank you so much for picking it up!"

"Uh, Weiss-"  
>"I think I have to give you my reward now!" The heiress planted a kiss on his cheek before-<br>"Get away from him, Weiss!" It was Ruby, with Jaune's boxers on her head. "He's mine!"  
>"Nuh-uh, I had him first!"<br>"Well, I was shipped with him first!"

"I'm richer!"  
>"I'm cuter!"<br>"S-shut up! He's mine!" Weiss clung to Jaune like a joey to its mother. He squirmed in the death grip of the heiress.

"G-get off of me!"  
>"See, he wants you to go away so I can have him!" Ruby pouted. "He's mine!"<br>"No, he's being stupid! He knows he wants me!"

"GAH!" The blond continued struggling, before, mercifully, Ren came walking down the corridor.

"Man, help me!"

The gunslinger looked around before grabbing a nearby fallen pair of Jaune's boxers and threw it at Weiss. The heiress growled like a dog and leapt onto it, sniffing it and letting Jaune out of her grip.

The boy clambered up and nodded hurriedly to his teammate. "Thanks! I owe you one!"

"Eh, just carrying out the divine will of Oum. He wants you to end up with Pyrrha."  
>"WHAT?!" Jaune looked down the corridor to see Pyrrha, still in her underwear, hunting for him. Feeling the color drain from his face, he sprinted the opposite way.<p>

"Please no, please no, I don't want to get molested like THAT! I have so much to live for!" He pleaded under his breath as he tried to run as fast as his legs could carry him.

Pyrrha, Weiss and Ruby gave chase to him.

"C-come back, Jaune! I have to give you my protection!"  
>"Dammit, Arc! Won't you come back and let me thank you?!"<br>"Jaune, I promise, we're just going to go into my dorm for milk and cookies!"

"GAH SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" The blond pleaded as he reached a locked staircase door. He tried to wrench it open as the three Jaune-crazed girls approached, lust apparent in their eyes.

"NO! PLEASE!"

Suddenly, the door fell open and the blond fell in before it was shut behind him. Pyrrha and Weiss' protests could be heard from behind it, and they were banging on the door.

"Thank Dust for-" Jaune looked up to thank his savior, but it was Blake, smiling. "Blake?"

"Yes, Jaune. I saved you from them."  
>"Uh...thanks?"<br>"And now that I have..." She smirked, licking her lips. "...I have you all to myself!"  
>"Dust dammit!" He leapt up and ran down the staircase, his feet managing to keep him out of reach of Blake's Semblance. "Why does EVERY girl want to jump me?!"<p>

Just as Jaune stepped out onto a corridor-

"I've got you!" A blur of yellow smashed into him and pushed him towards the other end. Blake looked around, but didn't notice and so continued running forward. She was followed by Pyrrha, Ruby- who'd smashed the door down- and Weiss.

"Please, please, PLEASE don't be another person who wants to jump me!" Jaune looked up at his savior to see Yang Xiao Long, smirking at him.

"What's up, vomit boy?"  
>"T-thank Dust! You're not after my pants, right?"<p>

"Of course not, silly!" The busty brawler smiled.

"T-thank D-"  
>"No, I'm after what's under them! Y'know, Weiss always calls me a yellow beast with boobs, but I'm not! I'm just a beast in bed~" Winking at him, Yang picked up Jaune in a death hug and carted him off to the nearest janitor's closet, while he struggled.<p>

"G-gah! W-why does this always happen to me?!"  
>"You know you love me~ I'm so hot I burn~"<p>

"Dammit!"

Suddenly, Yang was met with a boot to the face. The brawler relinquished Jaune as she was sent flying, and the boy landed on the floor with a grunt. Another person swiftly dragged away Yang.

Jaune looked up to see who his savior was- it was a girl with dark brown hair, with long rich red locks down one side, under a beret, sunglasses on, hands on hips, looking down at Yang. The other person was Velvet, dragging off the unconscious Yang into a closet.

"...w-who are you?!"

"Coco, team CFVY." She smiled down at Jaune. "You look pretty roughed up, mate."  
>"Yeah." He laughed nervously, not knowing whether or not to run.<p>

"Yang's taken care of..." Velvet giggled.

"Perfect." Coco pulled Jaune up, patting him on the back. "You look like you need a little rest, mate."

"Yeah..." Jaune sighed. "I've had a rough last ten minutes..."

"My dorm or yours?"  
>The blond froze. "I'm sorry?"<p>

"I mean, where'd you like me to take you?"  
>"...your dorm. I'm pretty sure Pyrrha and Nora are waiting there for me..."<p>

Coco nodded to Velvet and the pair walked to Jaune's side, scurrying back to CFVY dorm. When they got in, Coco sat Jaune down on her bed.

The sunglasses wearing girl nodded to him. "So, you're being chased by a bunch of girls?"  
>Jaune sighed. "Yeah."<br>"Why?"  
>"They...uh...kinda want to jump me..."<br>"I can see why." She nodded. "Velvet, lock the door."  
>"Huh?!"<p>

"...I've kinda...uh...been stalking you since before Monty introduced me..." Coco blushed. "...and Velvet kinda likes you too..."  
>"Crap." Jaune could only look on in disbelief as he was surrounded by the bunnygirl and her teammate, who were slowly removing their clothing.<p>

Velvet blushed as she crawled next to him. "J-Jaune...I'm so sorry...b-but we j-just love y-you so much-"

"And your o-onesie is just so..._sexy_..." Coco stared at him through her sunglasses, caressing his face. "And besides...me and Velvet have decided that we're going to include you in our relationship...don't you want tha-"

"GAH!" Jaune rolled away and sprinted through the window, landing on the ground with a roll. "Dammit, EVERYONE wants to jump me!"

He looked around the courtyard to see team RWBY, Pyrrha and Nora- still biting onto his onesie- looking back at him and running towards him. He could also hear Coco and Velvet leaping after him.

"Can't I catch a break?!" He ran away to the only safe place- the staff room.

"Come on, please have Port and Oobleck, PLEASE have Port and Oobleck!" He muttered under his breath as the girls of Beacon sprinted after him. He was dragged around the corner suddenly by someone's hand and he collided straight into the considerable chest of Glynda Goodwitch.

"Mister Arc! I will have you know that running through the corridors is against the rules!"  
>"MMMMPH!" The boy's face was smushed against her chest, his speech muffled.<p>

"I would have assumed you would be more respectful of the rules." Glynda sighed. "Well..." She whipped out her riding crop, relinquishing Jaune and patting it with her hand.

"I am going to have to _punish _you." Fixing her glasses, she slowly approached him, smiling, with hunger in her eyes.

"DUST NO!"

Just then, Port opened the staff door in Glynda's face, interrupting her. "Whooooo...called for a gift from Oum?"  
>"Thank Dust, Professor..." Jaune breathed out in relief.<p>

"What troubles you, boy?"  
>"Girls! Chasing me! Trying to molest me!"<p>

"Ah, the insanity of youth!" Port laughed heartily. "Come, boy!" He grabbed Jaune and lead him off to the stables, where he kept his beloved Boarbartusk, Edgar.

"This is your steed, young knight!"

Jaune rubbed his head nervously. "Uh...thanks?"  
>Port picked him up with one hand and plopped him on top of the Grimm. "Well, young Jaune, I wish you the best of luck in escaping your pursuers! Bon voyage!" Slapping the Boarbartusk on the behind, Port set it running with Jaune on it. The boy began yelping.<p>

"AH! I didn't expect it to be THIS bumpy!" He looked behind him to see Port being bowled over by Goodwitch, before the rest of the girls rounded the corner.

Jaune quickly saluted Port's sacrifice before turning back to focus on riding his steed to his escape. The Grimm quickly approached the walls of Beacon, preparing to ram a hole into it.

"...this is gonna suck..." He closed his eyes and braced himself, before Edgar smashed a hole into the wall and leapt onto the nearby road, still carrying him. Pyrrha pointed towards him.

"We must retrieve Jaune!"  
>Glynda nodded. "He must be punished for his misdeeds." She looked rather desperate as she began to hurl rocks using her Semblance to block his way.<p>

"Gah! Why do I end up with the harems?! Why can't it be Ren?!" The blond pulled the Boarbartusk's ears to dodge the rocks Glynda was throwing to block him. Looking behind him, he saw Ruby and Blake, keeping up with him using their Semblances, followed by Weiss sliding on her glyphs, then Yang, Pyrrha, Glynda, Coco and Velvet not far behind, sprinting.

Suddenly, he was pulled off his steed by a pair of strong arms and into a Bullhead ship, as Ruby and Blake looked up in disbelief.

"Melanie?!" The crimsonette looked on in disbelief.

"Huh?!" Jaune looked behind him to see the Malachite twins, waving at him.

"Oh DUST!"  
>"Oh, don't worry." Melanie shrugged. "I don't like you that way."<br>"R-really?"  
>"Course not. Nah, I want Cardin more~" She giggled.<br>"Oh." Jaune sighed in relief. "Thank-" He was interrupted by Miltia leaping on him and kissing him deeply.

"My sister does, however."  
>"Mmmph!"<br>"Don't worry, Jaune~ You're safe with us~" Miltia giggled, sighing. "I've watched you ever since you snuck into Beacon...you're so dreamy~"  
>"Why am I so stupidly attractive to girls?!"<br>"Milly, don't!" Melanie wrenched her teen sister off of him. "We have to keep him intact for-"  
>"Ahem." Jaune froze.<p>

His mind was in panic._ 'Gods no. Not her. NOT HER.' _

He slowly looked behind him to see Cinder Fall, looking irritated.

She facepalmed. "Milly, I told you. You, me, and Emerald will take turns."

"B-but we got him first!" The red-clad girl protested.  
>"I promise, you'll get your chance. But first..." Cinder grabbed Jaune's hand and pulled him towards her. "You are one strange boy."<br>"E-even YOU, Cinder?!"

"Yes." She nodded. "Roman is SUCH a bore, compared to a boy like you~ Besides, you're interesting~ And I'd LIKE to play around with you a little~ Isn't that right, Emerald?"

The dark-skinned green-haired girl appeared behind Cinder, nodding, She stared at Jaune hungrily.

"Yes, miss Fall."  
>"Excellent." Bundling Jaune over her shoulder, Cinder carried him to her chambers- where a shrine dedicated to the worship of Jaune Arc, God of Harem, was placed.<p>

"Now...to dedicate my daily worship to you..." She smiled at him. "...I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right?"  
>"AHHHHH SOMEBODY HELP ME?"<p>

"I like it when they scream~"

"AAAAH!"

Cinder began to strip down her clothing when her pilot burst into the room. "Miss Fall!"

She groaned irritably. "Oh, WHAT is it now?"  
>"The engines are shot!"<br>"What?!"  
>"Someone pulled them out of the wings! We're falling!"<br>_'...you're kidding.'_ Jaune facepalmed.

"Well, this is just perfect-"

And then the Bullhead crashed, leaving no survivors.

...I'm kidding. Everyone survived, but all the girls – and Jaune- were knocked unconscious.

* * *

><p>Weiss came to, looking around the wreckage. No sign of Jaune. She screamed in frustration.<p>

"Cinder!" She glared at the White Fang leader, who was whimpering. "What did you do?!"  
>"I was merely claiming Jaune!"<br>"He's mine, stupid!"  
>"A child like you doesn't DESERVE him!" Cinder crossed her arms. "Besides, I put a lot of effort into getting a ship out to find him!"<br>"As did I, miss." Emerald wiped off the dust on her shirt. "I put more effort raising the money in. I should be the one with Jaune right now."  
>"I'm your BOSS! How dare you?"<br>"No, me and Melanie were the ones who actually grabbed him!" Miltia protested. "That's stupid!"  
>"Me and Velvet saved him from the rest of you, so therefore WE have dibs on Jaune, you damn idiots!" Coco approached them, gesticulating wildly.<p>

"I'm his teammate and his bodyguard." Pyrrha declared calmly. "I should be the one with him."  
>"I have his onesie!" Nora declared, before Yang and Blake piled on to her, trying to wrench it out of her mouth.<p>

"I MET him first!" Ruby pouted. "He's mine!"

"I saved him from both of you." Blake said, pulling the onesie out of Yang and Nora's grasp and pocketed it.

"Yes, but I think I deserve him more!" Yang crossed her arms. "He's never shipped with me!"  
>The girls cried in unison. "He's ALWAYS shipped with you!"<br>Glynda scoffed. "I was going to administer punishment to him. I will assume responsibility and custody of him when I get him back."  
>"Nonsense. He will go back to his dorm, where he belongs!" Pyrrha glared at her.<p>

"I put a lot of effort into hiring that Bullhead! I believe I deserve Jaune more!" Cinder grumbled.

"Uh, guys." Melanie spoke up.

"WHAT?" Everyone stared at her.

"...Jaune's...missing."

"Well, then, we need to find him!" Ruby declared.

"For Jaune's onesie!" Nora proudly shouted.

"First girl to get him wins~" Yang chuckled before running to grab the Bumblebee, her motorcycle.

"Pfft. As if." Blake ran off.

"I am his teacher. I decide if you get him or not!" Glynda growled.

Cinder waved her off. "As if. You all know Jaune wants me more."  
>Miltia glared at her. "No way!"<br>"Yes he does and you know it."  
>Emerald scoffed. "I will have to fight you on this matter, miss Fall. I have...business with Jaune that I would like to...fulfil."<p>

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><p>Meanwhile...<p>

Jaune woke with a start on a nice linen bed.

"I-I'm safe?" He looked around hurriedly for any of the girls he knew were chasing him; Cinder, Pyrrha, Ruby, anyone. When he found none, he wiped his brow in relief.

"Phew, thank Du-"  
>"So, YOU'RE Jaune Arc?" A girl's voice sounded from behind him, and Jaune's blood ran cold.<p>

"Oh no."

"Hardly a nice response to your savior!" A girl with black hair in twin pigtails and a red sweater with a cross symbol on it approached him. "Pfft. All those girls. I, Rin, will prove that I am better than them!"  
>"You have GOT to be kidding me-"<p>

"No way!" A girl with red hair in twin pigtails, a black leather jacket and jeans leapt in through the window. "I'm a pop star! I deserve a nice boy like him!"  
>"I saved him from his pursuers! Hardly deserved, Kujikawa!"<p>

A blonde girl with grey, unseeing eyes, sighed. She was sitting in the corner, sipping tea. Jaune was pretty sure she was blind, but he had the feeling she was still mentally undressing him

"I bought the house where we put him, Tohsaka."  
>"S-shut up, Satou!"<p>

"When will my suffering end?!" Jaune screamed. "Seriously, even girls from other franchises want me?!

...not again..."

And Jaune had no rest that night.

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><p><strong>END<strong>

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><p><strong>AN: And yes, Jaune's pimphood is so much he managed to attract Rin (FSN), Lilly (Katawa Shoujo) and Rise (Persona 4) to kidnap him. Lol.**

**So yeah, insane drabble. Shenanigans. Woo! I hope you guys don't trash it too hard...**

**I hope you guys did enjoy it, leave your reviews, ideas, comments, thoughts and suggestions and I hope you have a great day!**


	2. The King of Harem's Escape!

**Escape of the Harem King!**

**A/N: Good day and welcome to this! Again! That's right, I'm making a sequel to this. The oneshot was so successful and people have been begging for a sequel so much that how could I say no? To put it in perspective, the first chapter got 1,000 views from when it was posted (Sunday) to yesterday (Tuesday)- to put that into perspective, that's even faster than Weiss Reacts and a Reactsverse Oneshot combined! That...is serious insanity.**

**So, by popular demand, have a sequel. Jaune is not safe :P**

**DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Velvet would have much more fanservice.**

**Credits to the following: Atlus, 4 Leaf Studios, Type-MOON, JC Staff.**

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

_"...WHY AM I IN MY BOXERS?! WHERE'S MY ONESIE?!"_

_"I-I'm so sorry! My sorbet packet ended up over here, a-and I tripped, and thank you so much for picking it up!"_

"_Y'know, Weiss always calls me a yellow beast with boobs, but I'm not! I'm just a beast in bed~"_

_"Dammit, EVERYONE wants to jump me!"_

_"I like it when they scream~"_

_"I am his teacher. I decide if you get him or not!"_

_"S-shut up, Satou!"_

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><p>"Today m-marks the third day of... J-Jaune's kidnapping by international pop superstar Rise Kujikawa and ...her a-accomplices, Rin Tohsaka a-and Lilly Satou." Lisa Lavender, clearly in tears at the news, stated on the news bulletin as the girls of Beacon huddled around the television in mourning- Pyrrha was huddled up on a cushion, cooing to a Jaune plushie, while Melanie was busy comforting her sobbing sister. Weiss was looking forlornly at a poster of Jaune, shirtless- taken for the Beacon Calendar that Weiss had bought up all the copies for- and Cinder was busy plotting Jaune's kidnappers' horrible deaths.<p>

"...e-everything's over..." Ruby muttered.

"J-Jaune's gone..." Blake mumbled, reading a book in the corner.

"...t-those bastards..." Glynda muttered, anger clear in her voice. "...t-they took our Jaune!"

"Oh, quit moping!" Yang snapped. "So what if a popstar, a tsundere and a blind girl took Jaune? We can take him back!"  
>"B-but how?" Weiss looked up. "W-We don't know where they took him and my d-dad won't let me take out a Bullhead t-to find him!"<br>"Ah." Yang took out a small device with a screen on it. "I placed a tracking chip in his boxers while he was asleep! Now we ALWAYS know where Jaune is!"

Everyone looked up at her, except Pyrrha, who was still cooing to her Jaune plushie.

"I-it's okay, Jaune...it'll be all fine..." The spearmaiden whispered. "All fine..."

"That's right! I know where they're keeping him! And it's...barely twenty minutes away from the school." Yang looked at the screen in disbelief. "Well..."  
>Glynda stood up, fixing her glasses and her hair. "We must find him. Immediately."<p>

"Indeed." Cinder stood up as well. "And then we can decide which of us gets to be with him first!"  
>"Not so fast!"<p>

All the girls turned to see Penny and Cardin Winchester in the doorway. Cardin was wearing an 'I Love Jaune' t-shirt- the last one Pyrrha didn't buy out- and Penny had a picket sign with Jaune's head on it.

"W-we want to help too!" Cardin declared. "O-On one condition- I get a date with Jaune!"

"...fine." Ruby sighed. "Only if we get a date with him first, Winchester."

"Yeah! Friendship!" Penny cheered. "We will locate Jaune and expose him to our shining bodies!"

"Sounds like a plan~" Yang winked at her, much to the embarrassment of everyone around her.

"What?"

"Aaaaanyway..." Cinder turned to Emerald. "You, get us transport. I want two Bullheads ready to converge upon that house. Miltia, Melanie, I want you two to go help Emerald."  
>Glynda turned to her lot. "Coco, Velvet, make sure Port does NOT attempt to assist mister Arc again. He must not escape. Team RWBY, Pyrrha, Nora, get yourselves ready for battle."<p>

Pyrrha stood up. "Very well."

"Aye!" Yang saluted her.

Ruby nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

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><p>Meanwhile, at the house...<p>

Jaune squirmed; he was tied up in bandages that that blind girl, Lilly, had somehow tied him up in. He could hear the other two girls- he'd learnt from overhearing their conversations that they were called Rin and Rise- in the other room, discussing something- probably something about taking his much sought-after virginity. Great.

He sighed. "How did I get into this mess anyway?" He leaned against the wall, sitting up on his bed, still trying to struggle out of the bandages.

"You won't get out." Lilly commented quietly, sipping her tea from an elegant china cup. "I've tied those perfectly."  
>"Ugh...how do you know how to tie these? D'you kidnap people for a living?!"<br>"I-I have a healthy adolescent sex drive! One that I am...perfectly willing to demonstrate to you."  
>Jaune paled and continued struggling out of his bandages. "Come on, come on! These things have gotta have a weak point like in those movies!"<p>

Lilly giggled at him, causing him to struggle harder in fear. Rin strolled in, sighing. "Ugh, these confounded things!" She threw her cellphone- smoking with the screen blown out- on the bed next to Jaune. "How do you use these demonic devices?!"

"Uh-"  
>"Shut up, you!"<br>Jaune protested. "I wasn't going to say anything!"

Rin glared at him. "...even stupider than Emiya..." She sighed, before sitting next to him. "...b-but you don't look half bad in those bandages...n-not that I'm into that, or anything, stupid!"  
>"...you <em>kidnapped <em>me and you're still acting like a tsundere?" Jaune looked confused before he got a pillow thrown at his head.  
>"S-shut it!"<p>

"Hey." Rise poked her head into the room, pointing at the window. "Is that supposed to be there?"  
>"Is what?" Rin looked out of it to see a large Bullhead propelling itself towards the house. Her eyes widening, the magus leapt off the bed. "EVERYONE OUT OF THE ROOM!"<p>

Lilly and Rise followed her hastily, forgetting Jaune in that one moment of fear. The boy struggled in his bonds, terrified.

"Guys! Don't leave me here! GUYS?!"

And then the Bullhead crashed through the window, smashing Jaune to the other side of the room with a grunt. "Ow..."

"Damn." Sun Wukong slid out from the craft. "I have terrible driving."  
>"Ow...Sun? What're you doing here?"<br>"Here to break you out." He sighed, pulling out a knife to cut his bonds- the boy stretched his arms to enjoy his freedom.

"Why?"  
>"Because...I have reasons, okay!" The monkey Faunus looked around. "Man, I think I just wrecked some rich girl's house..."<br>"W-what are you doing with Jaune?!" Rin strolled in, screeching at Sun and Jaune.

"Well, crap!" The boy quickly bundled Jaune into his arms and sprinted into the Bullhead, before flying it out of the hole in the room and away.

"You!" The magus pointed at the craft with a shaky finger. "I-I'll get you! Y-you stole my idiot!"

Jaune sighed in relief in the passenger's seat next to Sun as the craft flew away from the house. "Thanks, but, uh...why'd you save me?"  
>"You gotta teach me how to get girls like that!" Sun looked desperate.<p>

"Uh..." The boy rubbed his head. "...what?"  
>"You do know that every girl in Vytal's crying their eyes out because you're missing, right? White Fang, Hunters, everyone!" The boy stated. "You've even got girls from other franchises after you!"<p>

"Yeah, that was pretty obvious." Jaune sighed. "Why me?"  
>"You must have, like, some serious pheromones or good looks to do that. Your Semblance, is it attracting girls?"<p>

"I hope not. I seriously, _seriously,_ hope not."

"You gotta-" A large boom resounded from of the wings of the Bullhead. "What the-" Another one, and the Bullhead swerved to the right. "What's going on?!"

"I think they're taking us down!"  
>"That looked like a lightning bolt! I don't think I know any girls with lightning powers in Beacon!"<p>

"Oh crap, not her! I've heard all about her on the Internet!" Jaune looked out of the cockpit to see their assailant, but another blast riddled the ship and turned out all power.

"Ah, crap." Sun Wukong sighed and the Bullhead plummeted to the ground, smashing into the ground. Wukong was knocked unconscious, but Jaune managed to turn himself to his assailant.

His eyes widened, his suspicions confirmed. He uttered out one word.

"...M-Misaka?!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, the girls finally arrived at the location. Yang stepped out of the Bullhead they'd commandeered first, looking around and surveying the area. In front of them, three girls- the same girls on the news- were sitting down, weeping- the tall blonde one was simply sipping her tea calmly-, and a large hole was in the front of the house, with rubble strewn around the lawn.<p>

"...what in the name of Dust happened here?!" Weiss looked around. "Where's Jaune?!"  
>"Some monkey g-guy...h-he took him!" The girl they recognized as Rin pointed in the direction where the Bullhead had taken him. "Literally just bashed into our house and took him!"<br>"Uhuh..." Yang nodded.

"Most possibly Sun Wukong." Cinder sighed. "That idiot...we'll have to go after him immediately."  
>"Someone's gonna get whupped, mate." Coco cracked her knuckles. "How dare he take our Jauney?"<br>"Y-yeah!" Velvet spoke up.

"Well, I-I'm coming with you!" Rin stood up, glaring at them. "I refuse to-"  
>"Nuh-uh!" Yang glared at her. "You're staying put right there! You kidnapped him!"<br>"You were about to kidnap him too!"  
>"Go back to your game, Rin! Besides, you already HAVE Shirou!" Blake complained. "You don't need another loveable idiot!"<br>"I-I don't love either of them!" The girl hastily crossed her arms, blushing. "I-I just find their presences intolerable to be without!"

Nora swayed her head. "Ooooh, getting defensive like Weiss!"  
>"Hey!" Weiss glared at her. "How dare yo-"<br>"ENOUGH SQUABBLING!" Glynda roared, surprising everyone. "We have a Jaune to retrieve! Leave these three girls to mourn- that's their punishment for kidnapping Jaune."

Pyrrha, meanwhile, was merely glaring at the three with killing intent in her eyes. Her face was deadly calm, and her eyes were sharp, her gaze as a dagger, piercing through them into their very soul.

"Yes..." She petted her Jaune plushie comfortingly. "...let them be punished."

* * *

><p>Jaune struggled away from the Railgun herself. "N-no way! D-don't tell me y-you're after me too!"<p>

"S-shut up! I just wanted to test my skills against you!" Mikoto struck him with lightning, which his considerable Aura managed to disperse. "...w-what the..." She looked at her hand in disbelief, before looking at him. "You're like Kamijou, aren't you?"  
><em>'Crap, she thinks I...crap, crap, crap!' <em>Jaune panicked.

"W-what kind of ungodly power...n-no matter. I-I didn't shoot that plane down because I-I liked you, or anything, I wanted to t-test myself! A-and now that I know what you've got..." She grabbed Crocea Mors from the wreckage and threw them to Jaune. "I want you to fight me!"  
>"...uh...no!" Jaune turned tail and ran. As skilled as he had gotten, there was no way he was going to beat the Railgun in a fight by himself. Especially with that blast taking out a chunk of his Aura.<p>

_'Come on...please...something! This is NOT how I wanted to go!'_

"C-come back here! Hey! Don't be so cowardly! Fight me!" Mikoto chased after him, blasting bolt after bolt after him, which he dodged.

"Come on, dammit! Why does the crappy stuff always happen to me?! Fukou da! ...and now I'm even TURNING into Touma!"

"Got your back, Jaune."

"Huh?" Mikoto looked behind her to see Lie Ren, on the back of a large beige dinosaur that was rearing up, its tail swishing. Ren was wearing a sailor hat and waving StormFlower, his pair of guns, like a cowboy.

"Woohoo!"

"Oh, now it's MY misfor-" The Railgun was immediately knocked out of the way by the RWBYSaurus' tail as Ren sped past to pick Jaune up.

Jaune looked at him in disbelief. "Ren! Where in Vytal did you get a dinosaur?!"

"I have my ways, Jaune! Now hold on! We're going off to Neverland!"

"...this isn't Peter Pan! Where are we actually going?!"

"Remember how I said this was the divine will of Oum? I lied, this is much worse. You seem to have a case of 'Harem Protagonist Syndrome'!"  
>"What's that?!" Jaune looked confused. "How's that even a disease?!"<p>

Ren sighed as if the answer was obvious. "Symptoms include being inexplicably stupid-"  
>"Hey!"<br>"-stupidly attractive to girls and ending up in perverted situations with them by accident."  
>"Okay, so...why are girls from other universes trying to molest me?!"<br>"Your case is particularly severe." Ren noted. "This seems pretty hard, but...I believe if you overcharge your Aura and reverse the polarity, I think we can cure it!"  
>"What?! What does that even mean?!"<br>"I dunno, okay? I thought that gibberish might work to distract you from the fact that I actually have no idea why the hell every girl in the universe seems to be after your pants right now!"

"Well, that's just great!" Jaune sighed.

"Appreciate it while you can!"  
>"I think I'd prefer not to be shoved into a janitor's closet by every girl I see! Even if it IS Yang doing the shoving!"<p>

"Wait...what the hell?!" Ren looked ahead to see a large mob of female White Fang members- some with replicas of Jaune's boxers on their heads- approaching them. "The White Fang are after you?!"  
>"What?! I thought that was just Cinder, Miltia and Emerald!"<br>"...I know what I have to do now." Ren looked serenely at him, before passing him the reins to the RWBYSaurus. "I'll distract them!" He pulled out a pair of Jaune's favoured deodorant and sprayed it all over himself. "Get as far as you can! If I escape, I'll meet you by From Dust til Dawn!"

"Got it!" The knight nodded as Ren leapt off his steed and looked around, extending his hands.

The White Fang set upon him like a pack of fangirls, glomping him and squeeing.

"He smells like Jaune!"  
>"Take him!"<br>"Quickly, take his boxers!"

Jaune let a single tear roll down his cheek. "...first Port, then Sun, now Ren.

...I have to finish what we started! I have to fix this somehow!"

He rode on, but he was met by...

"Going somewhere?"

"Crap!" Jaune and the RWBYSaurus stopped to see Adam Taurus, standing atop a derailed train, with a lot of female- and some male- White Fang grunts surrounding him.

"...end of the line, Arc." Adam smirked.  
>"Come on!" The knight whirled his steed around, panicking, as the grunts closed in on him.<p>

"NOT ON MY WATCH!" Grenades from Magnhild smashed the grunts away from him, as Nora leapt in.

"Jaune belongs to ME, Taurus!" Cinder roared as she blasted more of them away.

"Team RWBY, you know what to do!" Ruby nodded as she and her team rushed in towards Jaune, smashing more of them away. Jaune could see Cardin and Penny beating up more White Fang, marching towards him.

Adam jumped off the train and went towards Jaune, but he was suddenly interrupted by Pyrrha.

"Jaune Arc is MY teammate." She glared at him. "And I WILL protect him."  
>"...oh shit." The bull Faunus felt fear as he saw the killing intent in the spearmaiden's eyes. "...no...please...y-you can have him!"<br>"Excellent." Pyrrha smiled as she turned to the now horrified Jaune. "And now we've come to take you home! We will have much fun in the dorm when we get back! I have to show you just how much I've..." She looked at him with lust in her eyes. "...missed you."

"NONONONONONONONO!" Jaune pulled the reins and the RWBYSaurus jumped over Pyrrha, using Adam's head as a springboard onto the train and away to freedom. Pyrrha shook her fist at the dinosaur.

"Y-you! Jaune, I'll come for you! I promise!"

Meanwhile, the battle between the Beacon fangirls and the White Fang fangirls raged on.

* * *

><p>Jaune rode as fast as he could away, but eventually, even the RWBYSaurus was getting tired. It stopped and crouched by a pool- they were now in a forest just outside Vale.<p>

"Dammit...I've got to...fix this..." The knight panted. "...I've got to...find a way..."

"Hah, you weird kids." Jaune froze in terror.

"...n-no..."

Roman Torchwick stepped into the clearing, twirling his cane. "Jaune Arc, was it? Well...

...you've got some explaining to do, pal. Like how in the name of all that is good and holy did you get Cinder to stop beating me with a broom and make her happy?!"

* * *

><p><strong>END<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, there you go. I think I got a couple of A Certain Magical Index references in the reviews, so have a little fanservice on my part. Stay tuned for next time- what does Roman want with Jaune? Will Jaune ever manage to not get himself piled on by his harem? Will Rin ever learn how to use modern technology?**

**All of these and more will be answered next time! So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your reviews, comments, ideas, suggestions and thoughts and I hope you have a great day! Until next time!**


	3. March of the Harem King!

**The Return of the (Harem) King!**

**A/N: Yes. This is back. All I have to say. Woo.**

**DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth. Otherwise Blake would be donning triangle shades and shouting 'THAT'S THE WAY TEAM RWBY ROLLS' at the top of her voice every episode.**

**All mentioned franchises belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

><p><em>Previously on Jaune Arc: King of Harem...<em>

"_J-Jaune's gone..."_

"_Sounds like a plan~"_

"_One that I am...perfectly willing to demonstrate to you."_

"_M-Misaka?!"_

"_Let them be punished."  
>"We're going off to Neverland!"<em>

"_NOT ON MY WATCH!"_

"_Jaune, I'll come for you! I promise!"  
>"Hah. You weird kids."<em>

* * *

><p>Jaune stepped back, instinctively looking for Crocea Mors only to remember that Pyrrha had stolen it to make an altar for him before this whole nonsense started. He stared at Roman as he approached slowly, twirling his cane.<p>

"R-Roman...what are you doing here?"

"Kid," Roman sighed. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Not that I could, anyway."

"Huh?"

"The whole of Vytal's been in chaos since you got yourself kidnapped by a blind girl, the poster child for tsunderes and their pop idol friend." Roman recounted. "Nothing's been right for days."

"You're...not going to hurt me?"

"I need you alive, kid." The rogue tipped his bowler hat to him. "If we're going to fix this, we're going to need to work together."

"What do you mean work together?" Jaune looked at him curiously.

"You don't want an army of girls after you, right?" Roman took out his keys and clicked a button, as a sleek, black sports car sped into the clearing, clearly driverless.

"Come with me if you want to live."  
>"...you stole that from Terminator!" Jaune complained, before he and Roman heard the oncoming squealing of Jaune fangirls- and some fanboys.<p>

"JAAAAAUNE! WE LOVE YOU!"  
>"NOTICE ME JAUNE-SEMPAI!"<br>"MARRY ME!"

"HAVE MY PANCAKE BABIES, WE CAN RULE THE SLOTH WORLD TOGETHER"

His eyes widening in terror, the knight got into the car before Roman did, and they drove off, just as Pyrrha, Ruby and Weiss entered the clearing.

"W-where's Jaune?!" Pyrrha looked around, worried. "I could've sworn I-!"  
>"Pfft. Everyone knows I'm Jaune's waifu!" Ruby interjected. "I'm more adorably awkward with him anyway..."<p>

"Y-you morons." Weiss grumbled. "I-I'm only following him because y-you idiots dragged me into this..." She blushed, crossing her arms. "...I-it's not like I _love_ him or anything..."

Misaka then ambled into the clearing, looking around and glaring at Pyrrha.

"Where's the Arc boy?" She asked, her hand sparking with electricity. "I-I want to have a duel with him!"  
>"Hey!" Yang yelled, joining her friends. "Weiss is the tsundere around here! Go back to your own series, stupid!"<p>

"I-I'm not a tsundere, you moron!" Misaka and Weiss snapped in unison, before staring at each other.

Pyrrha smiled sweetly at the esper.

"...you WILL leave Jaune Arc to me, Mikoto Misaka. He's ours. We as a harem have decided that since none of us can have him alone, we will all just have to share his manhood."

"And if I don't?" Misaka responded, raring for a fight.

Pyrrha cleared her throat and stared deeply into her eyes, before going over to her and whispering something into her ear.

Misaka blushed profusely and leapt back from the spearmaiden, shaking her head.

"N-no...no no NO!" The girl ran away, shaking her head and covering her ears.

Weiss stared at her friend. "W-what did you tell her?!"

"I told her about the weird yaoi about Touma and Accelerator that's going around." The spearmaiden said, shrugging. "Nothing works better than that.

Now, if you excuse us, we have to find Jaune!"

* * *

><p>"So, let me get this straight." Roman inquired, driving through the chaos of Vale's streets as fangirls fought the remaining sane population of the city in an attempt to find Jaune. "Your Semblance...is to attract girls?"<p>

"And some guys." Jaune said, shaking his head. "I don't know if it's controllable.

"It's probably some long forgotten Semblance legacy from some ancient background, like in all those crappy stories..." Roman muttered irritably. "And I know just the guy to take you to figure that out."  
>"Who?"<br>"An old...well, I decline to say _friend_...but...just bear with me." The rogue took a hard left, driving on before stopping in front of an abandoned storefront.

"Come on." Roman opened the door, strolled out with his cane and pushed the store's door open, gazing into the musty books. "Judging by the sounds, we have maybe fifteen minutes before we have to haul ourselves out of here."

Jaune complied, entering the store and shutting the door quickly behind him.

Roman sighed, twirling his cane and looking around, studying a bloodstained copy of _The Thief and the Butcher_. Jaune studied the abandoned shelves with trepidation, wondering how a shop could be abandoned in the middle of Vale.

The rogue looked up at the abandoned, dusty counter, itself stained with blood.

"...I know you're still around here. We need you."

Suddenly, a ghostly apparition of a tall, muscular puma Faunus appeared, a bullet hole through his chest signifying how he came to be in that state, stood at the counter.

"Oh, not another one of you White Fang assholes." Tukson grumbled irritably. "You've already killed me once!"

Jaune jumped at Tukson's appearance, shaking his head.

"N-no way! A ghost?!"  
>"Yes. It is I! A dead guy!" Tukson grumbled sarcastically. "I'm the guy they killed for shock value out of nowhere. You know, like Aerith, Isara and Mami, the difference being you actually CARED about them, while I was only around for shock value and to say 'WHITE FANG RACISM BAAAAD'.<p>

Damn you, Monty."  
>"Tukson, quit ranting about your role in canon, we don't need that right now." Roman waved him off, before gesturing to Jaune. "Listen, Vytal's going mad because this poor shmuck's got a girl-attracting Semblance and we need to figure out how to control it before something else happens."<p>

"Ohohohohoh..." Tukson studied Jaune closely, scrutinising him and rubbing his ghostly chin. "Well."

The ghostly bookkeeper flew into the back of the shop, before returning to the pair, reading through the book.

"Well...there are several suggested cures here." Tukson said, causing Jaune to look up happily.  
>"What are they?!"<p>

"Firstly, neuter yourself and become a hermit in the mountains. Your Semblance would still exist, but hey, at least they can't ravish you, eh?"

Jaune cringed, shaking his head. "...what's the next one?"  
>"Fall on your sword and kill yourself."<p>

Roman rolled his eyes. "Can we find a cure that doesn't involve mutilating the poor guy? Even _I _don't want to screw him over, and I'm a bad guy!"

"I suppose there's one more..."Tukson responded, studying the book. "...you could...use Dust to neutralise the Semblance.

It's unlikely to work, probably might get you blown up, but it's something."

Roman stared at him. "You're saying there's a way?"  
>"I'm saying it's possible, but you're going to need some-" Tukson was interrupted by a banging on the door. Jaune froze.<p>

"I-it's them, isn't it?"

His fears were confirmed by Pyrrha kicking down the door, staring at Jaune, concerned.

"J-Jaune-kun..." The spearmaiden whispered as she stalked towards his trembling form. "I-I've...missed you..."

"Hasta la vista."

Pyrrha finally noticed Roman. "Huh-"

With a quick movement, Roman whipped out his cane and shot it at Pyrrha, blasting her out of the door with a yelp.

"PYRRHA!"

"Don't worry, she's fine!" The rogue said, waving it off. "She's got plot armor, she'll live. Let's get out of here! Through the back!"

"What about me?" Tukson looked at them as they ran into the back.

"You're fine, you're already dead."

"DAMN IT MONTY WHY" Tukson then vanished back into the ether, hoping to spare himself the nonsense.

Moments later, Nora, Ruby and Weiss bust in, with Nora helping Pyrrha up.

"Where's Jaune?" Ruby looked around.

"He ran away..." Pyrrha responded, pouting. "I-I just want to protect him from everything..."

"Why are you pursuing him so hard anyway?" Weiss questioned her. "You ever stop to think that maybe just asking him out might work? N-not that I care about him...o-or anything."

"Not important." Pyrrha shook her off, shaking her head for a moment. "Let's just find him."

With that, she ran into the back of the store, drawing her spear as she did so.

Ruby looked at her concernedly as she ran away.

"Pyrrha?"

She didn't answer.

Ruby sighed. "Dammit Pyrrha..."  
>"What were you going to say?"<p>

"I was going to ask her where she put the last pack of cookies..." The reaper mumbled. "I'm hungry..."

* * *

><p>Roman pulled Jaune's head down, watching a flock of fangirls go past, raising effigies of the knight above their heads and chanting his name.<p>

"Dammit...you'll need a lot of Dust. And I know exactly where to get it." The rogue muttered, looking around for somewhere to escape into.

"Roman, why're you helping me, anyway?" Jaune inquired, curious. "I mean, I know it's to get order back...but...wouldn't it be easier for you just to kill me?"  
>"To tell you the truth, kid, I could. I could just blow your head off with Melodic Cudgel here and be done with it." Roman stated, shrugging. "But, y'know, I'm trying to be a nice guy now."<p>

"Really?"

"Ever since old Cinder started being obsessed with you, crime kinda got boring. So I left." Roman said, shrugging. "Started trying to act nice. Didn't really work, but ya know...

...did you actually believe me? Heh, Elf just needs a guy who isn't being glomped for remotely _smelling_ like you to help you."

"Hah...right." The knight chuckled briefly, before Roman pulled out a cellphone.

"Right...let's see if she'll pick up..." He punched in a number briefly, before putting it up to his ear.

"Yeah. Melanie, hello? You're gonna need to come to us here. I have Jaune with me.

Yes, I need a ride. How long?"  
>"Right now, boss." Melanie waved at them as she drove towards them in a shiny, red-coated Schnee Motors <em>Edelweiss<em> sports car, replete with the Schnee company logo on the front grill, tinted windows and various trademarks of Schnee manufacturing.

Roman sighed in relief. "Good. I was wondering when you'd get here."

"The warehouse, right?"

Jaune looked up at him. "The warehouse?"  
>"The biggest store of Dust short of Schnee warehouses. I'm pretty sure it's abandoned. Melanie, you're pretty good with Dust crap, right?"<br>"Uh...yeah?"

The rogue looked towards Jaune.

"We need you to neutralise his Semblance or something like that."

"Neutralise a Semblance with Dust?" The girl rubbed her chin. "...didn't we use to do that to-"  
>"He doesn't need to know that!"<p>

The knight's eyes widened. "W-what are you talking about?"  
>"Eh, just hop in the back." Melanie thumbed her way towards the back. "We'll stop this madness soon enough."<p>

With that, the trio drove towards the warehouse through the chaos in Vale.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile...<em>

Glynda looked down at a picture of Jaune, studying it quietly in her office as she awaited the results of the search.

"We will need to talk, Arc..." She muttered to herself, before Pyrrha and the rest of the group appeared. The instructor instantaneously stood up and looked over at her students.

"Well, did you find him?"  
>"No, but we have a clue to where he went." Pyrrha stated.<p>

"Roman took him!" Nora chirped. "Don't worry, I'll break his knees for you, if you want!"

"As much as I would like to, that would not be a logical response." Glynda adjusted her glasses. "We must mount a search party. Do you know where they might have gone, Miss Nikos?"

"No."  
>Weiss rubbed her chin. "The book on the counter said something about Dust and neutralisation of Semblances..."<br>"...he will most likely head to the warehouse in North Vale, the one we've been keeping tabs on." The instructor concluded, tapping several things on her scroll.

"Very well, take a Bullhead there. With any luck, you will reach it before Roman can."

"Thank you, Professor Goodwitch." The spearmaiden bowed to her and stepped out quickly.

"Permission to break Roman's knees for kidnapping our Jaune?"

Glynda adjusted her glasses.

"Permission granted."

_Meanwhile, at the warehouse..._

Roman opened the warehouse doors, sighing while peering into the darkness.

"Aaaalllright. What's going on here?"

"Huh?" Jaune looked into the warehouse. "What's...wait, it's empty!"  
>"That's what I'm asking. Where's our Dust?!"<p>

"Very simply, we stole it."

The lights switched on to reveal Kyoko Sakura and Sayaka Miki, leaning on two empty boxes of Dust, in Puella Magi form with weapons drawn.

Roman sighed irritably. "Aaaahhhh crap. The hell are you idiots doing here? Go back to your own series or something, dammit."

"Hey, we heard Misaka and Tohsaka wanted a piece of him," Kyoko pointed towards the knight, who was currently standing behind Roman. "I can see why.

He's pretty damn cute- not too shabby in the head, too.

Now, if you excuse us, we'll be taking him off your hands now, okay?"  
>"...kid, get running." Roman drew Melodic Cudgel, while Kyoko drew her spear. Jaune took that opportunity to flee the scene.<p>

"Hey." Kyoko tipped her head towards Sayaka. "Follow him for me, will ya?"  
>"On it!" The blue Puella Magi drew her sword and ran out of a side door, leaving her partner to fight the rogue.<p>

"Ya know, I'm pretty fast and a lot stronger than you'll ever be." Kyoko boasted. "Why don't ya just give-"

She was interrupted by a blast from Melodic Cudgel hitting her chest dead on, knocking her back and forcing her spear from her hand. Her magic managed to resist the blow, but it still stung, and the girl clutched her stomach as Roman advanced upon her.

"...I'm not one for speeches, big red." Roman readied another shot. "To complete the Terminator references...

You will be _terminated._"

Kyoko wiped her mouth, glaring at him before smirking. With a single deft movement of her foot, she kicked Roman back, tipping the spear back into her hand and pointing it at him.

She grinned.

"Bring it."

* * *

><p>Jaune continued running, picking up a branch on the way to use as a weapon. While nowhere near as effective as any other weapon, or even Crocea Mors, it was better than nothing.<p>

He ducked as a sword flew past his head, knowing full well Sayaka was following him.

"Dammit! First my classmates, then those three, then the freaking _Raligun of Academy City_, then a bunch of _Puella Magi_?!" Jaune complained. "Now I know how Touma feels...

_Fukou da_ indeed..."

"Hey! Come back!" Sayaka called after him, still hurling swords at him. "I promise I won't hurt you!"

"No! You're just like all the other girls!"

"True, but are those other girls _magical_ girls?"

"...yes, now go away!"  
>"Dammit!" Sayaka cursed. "I was hoping that would work like it did in the game with Kyousuke..."<p>

Suddenly, the warehouse exploded behind her, debris flying everywhere, forcing Sayaka to duck as a chunk of concrete flew towards her- making it land harmlessly behind her.

She turned back, shocked.

"KYOKO!"

Kyoko stumbled out of the flames, carrying an unconscious Roman. She stared over at her partner.

"Ugh, don't worry about me, just get the boy!"

"G-got it!"

Little did they know that Jaune was to end up being a victim of the most irritating plot device known to man- the Diabolus Ex Machina, or the 'Devil out of the Machine'.

In the form of an impossibly large cliff which he was to run off of.

"AHHHHH!" The knight screamed as he fell, shaking his head and-

* * *

><p>"Ugh..." Jaune woke up in what appeared to be nothing but fog, rubbing his eyes groggily as he pulled himself up.<p>

"Ugh...wait...I just...oh COME ON!" The knight cried. "I'm _dead_? Why am I _dead_?!"

"You were fated to be reborn as a legend, Jaune Arc." A black, hooded figure approached him.

Jaune stumbled back from it.

"Ah! Who are you?!"  
>"I...am Death, of course." Death, of course, revealed their true visage as a large-chested, black-haired, impossibly pale woman with red eyes and a scythe.<p>

And, to Jaune's horror, a large 'Member of the Jaune Fanclub' pin on her robes.

"And I just...I just didn't want you to become a legend, you know?" Death confessed, frowning and caressing Jaune's chin slowly.

"Besides...here, nobody else but me. And I want you to be mine..._forever..._"  
>"COME ON!" Jaune complained. "This is getting silly! Pyrrha wants me, Nora wants me, Weiss wants me, freaking <em>Misaka and Kyoko<em> want me, and now _DEATH_ wants me!

Who ELSE?!"

"Oh, Mother Earth wants you too, as does the Queen of the Grimm." Death waved them off. "But more than that...I want _you_."

She hugged Jaune tightly, rubbing his face into her considerable chest.

"Stay with me, please. It's _really_ lonely in the afterlife, with only Tukson for company..."  
>"I wouldn't <strong>be<strong> here if it wasn't for the fact I was a stinking sacrificial lamb..." Tukson muttered off in the distance, still bitter about being killed off in canon.

Jaune sighed mentally.

'_Well...there could be worse fates...being stuck in the afterlife with a beautiful woman who loves you, by all accounts, isn't that bad.'_

Death smiled.

"Very well then. Shall we seal it with...a kiss?"

"A...kiss?" Jaune looked around, blushing. "Um...I never really...err...kissed anyone myself before...I always _got_ kissed, but..."

"Oh, it's really simple. You do-"

"**NOT SO FAST**"

Death jumped back from Jaune.

"W-what the..."

A heavenly light dropped down upon Jaune.

"**IT IS NOT YOUR TIME, JAUNE ARC. YOUR DESTINY APPROACHES."**

"So what?" Jaune yelled. "I don't WANT to fulfil my destiny! I'm going to stay here, where there's at least only ONE girl trying to get into my pants!"

"**YOUR DESTINY IS TO UNITE WORLDS AS THE KING OF HAREM. IT SHALL BEGIN NOW.**"

"Wait, wha-"

And Jaune was ascended into a nothingness full of nothing but bright light, with the protesting cries of the Grim Reaper nothing but a distant memory.

Images of various teenagers- and one man- sailed past his head.

"**THESE IMAGES ARE OF THE HAREM KINGS OF TIMES PAST. RANMA SAOTOME. TENCHI MASAKI. ICHIKA ORIMURA. MINATO ARISATO.**

**THEY ONCE HELD THE THRONE OF HAREM KING, JAUNE ARC. AND NOW IT IS YOUR TURN."**

"...b-but why?"

"**THE UNIVERSE NEEDS A HAREM KING. WITHOUT IT, IT SHALL COLLAPSE UNDER THE WEIGHT OF A THOUSAND HAREMS DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR ONE.**

**AS WE SPEAK, THE FRUSTRATION OF THESE GIRLS IS MANIFESTING INTO AN ABOMINATION THAT WILL GLADLY REND APART WORLDS.**

**AS THE HAREM KING, YOU COULD STAND TO STOP IT. WILL YOU, JAUNE ARC?"**

Jaune sighed.

"I guess...there's no escaping my misfortune, is there?

Fine. I, Jaune Arc, will become the King of Harem."

And divine light embraced him as he rose from the nothingness, back to the material world, ready to fight the biggest fight of his life, both of his former as Jaune Arc, and his new life as the Harem King.

* * *

><p><strong>END<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: TITLE DROP! Didn't expect the update, did ya? **

**So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, suggestions, comments, reviews, criticisms and thoughts and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!**


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